Is it okay to help your child fall asleep?

Hava | Raised To Flourish Author

Drowsy but awake, wide awake, and falling asleep independently - is it actually important? Is it something my child should be doing? Answered here!

Sleep information is filled with fear-based messaging, warnings of the “dangers” of responding too much, creating sleep “props”, and the importance of independent sleep.

But if contact naps, rocking or feeding to sleep is something that you and your child enjoy, it is MORE than okay to embrace that. Let go of that societal pressure.

By supporting your child’s needs for connection and closeness, not only does this benefit their sleep, but their brain and emotional development as well.

It is incredibly normal for babies to need support to fall asleep and sometimes stay asleep. Most babies need to feel the physical comfort provided by their caregiver to feel relaxed and safe emotionally to allow their bodies to fall asleep.

Your baby attaches through the senses in the first year of life, meaning they may feel vulnerable if they cannot see, hear, feel, taste, or smell you. This feeling of alarm or vulnerability can prevent them from falling asleep easily alone. Additionally, oxytocin is released when you feed your baby or practice skin-to-skin contact. This is the "love hormone," and it feels good and makes babies sleepy. The act of rocking, cuddling, being held or bouncing is also incredibly soothing to babies.

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The idea of 'drowsy but awake' or 'wide awake' will not work for the majority of babies, and anyone who implies otherwise is promoting unrealistic expectations and sets parents up for failure. You can get your child to sleep without putting them into their sleep space drowsy but awake, and you will NEVER spoil your baby by allowing them to fall asleep in the warmth, comfort, and safety of your arms or in your presence.

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There are many benefits for soothing babies to sleep and reasons why they seek closeness.

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• Their parasympathetic nervous system is activated so they feel safe - there's no fight, flight, freeze.

• They receive multi-sensory input, which helps their developing brains; oxytocin, the love hormone which helps promote trust, empathy, and bonding, is stimulated.

• Their stress response and cortisol levels are regulated.

• They benefit from emotional contagion, which means they are influenced by their caregiver's relaxed or sleeping body and feel similar feelings.

• They benefit from the mimicry of breathing and heart rate, and their heart rate is less variable.

• The brainwaves can synchronize between baby and caregiver. Their quiet sleep duration increases as a result.

All of these are significant benefits that shouldn't be ignored, so yes, closeness is a part of normal, healthy infant sleep. That isn't to say that independent sleep is impossible because it is absolutely possible! But, it is also important to have this foundational understanding if things don't progress as you wish or if your little one struggles with the change.  For many children, this is a marathon, not a sprint, largely influenced by their temperament. 

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When I work with familes, my number one rule is if it’s working for you and your baby, it’s working. Nothing you do now, no way of supporting their sleep or being responsive could be anything but beneficial to them.

You can absolutely keep what you love, and make gentle changes towards what you don’t so that you can love your sleep situation. You can lead the process in a way that continues to support your child’s emotional needs at every step.

Categories: Babies, Independent Sleep